It gets to be late at night and I start believing that the thoughts in the back of my mind are valid and deserve to be considered.
“Will the UK let me live there if all I want to do is work an hourly job?”
“I want my life to look like this instagram filter”
“Maybe I should start a youtube channel?”
Half of these blogposts have been composed and finalized in the wee small hours of the morning (this included). And I can’t help but wonder, is it coincidence that my creative energies are let loose at night? I am so wary of being heady and romantic about my little life, but allow me to indulge.
I feel as though some of my most genuine and truly creative desires come out to play when I’ve separated myself from my life and allow myself to dream without that constant nagging voice telling me I shouldn’t. When my eyes literally cannot see the world around me I feel my mind run wild with the possiblities for a creative future.
As I write this I’m realizing this just sounds like the typical sleepytime dreamings- but it feels bigger than that. I feel such a motivation to bring some creativity into the daylight- to not be worried about what others think when I feel compelled to fall on my stomach to take a picture of the pavement. I want to stop apologizing for my artistic desires. To try to not roll my eyes at that sentence really, because that pseudo-intellectual crap is a part of who I am. Even starting this blog was indulging the little part of my heart that believes I have something that is worth being said by me and read by strangers. And isn’t that okay? I am tired of stifling the part of myself who loves to make beautiful things and refuses to create due to fear. I want to start bringing these late night thoughts to fruition and allowing myself be romantic about my little life.
I hope 2016 will be a year where I learn to participate in the things I like.
Well, that’s what 2am Jessica thinks, who knows what will happen when the daylight comes around…